The experience of life can not be contained within words.

To think that I have spent so long trying to give meaning and reason to things makes me quite sad.

There is no reason. None that human mind can comprehend. Why we feel the way we feel, why we are who we are in all the particular ways, our special little quirks, beauty and flaws.

When we see ourselves through the eyes of others we take in their interpretations, their assumptions, their preferences. We try to understand ourselves through comparisons and then comes a point that we want to get rid of it all and so we reject those definitions. We want to make up our own and in the process of making up our own we try to prove others wrong.

But then we get tired and so we lay our heads and in the quiet of the night we dream of so much that has been, all that we’ve seen, every experience, dwelling in regrets and joys, all that could have been, all that never was, we tire our minds and in a tiny fraction of a second as our brain takes a break.. we experience. Without any meaning or judgement, life and who we are and who’ve been and all that has ever happened flashes in front of you but it’s not entirely you. You feel detached. Your mind goes into a panic and you wonder who you are.

You get lost in wondering so you start denying yourself and all that was attached to it.

Who am I? I do not know. The bawling child asking for his mother or the little boy sitting alone in the playground, a passionate teen who lost all his dreams or this adult, a mess of insecurities and fragile sense of identity. The sufferings were not mine and neither was the joy.

You reject it all.

But don’t you understand? It is all you. All that has been, every idea you have had and the emotions that you felt, all the vicissitudes of life were yours and everyone and everything. Your mind would perish if you felt it all it once so you don’t but you can. Just feel a valve opening within you. Allow yourself to experience.